CLOME SELECTS: 2011 in REVIEW pt. 2 – THE WORST (in movies)

It’s Really Tough making movies. It’s terribly hard. And can be incredibly un-rewarding.  Although usually the experience of making it can be worthwhile but so much money gets spent on it you wonder about why you would keep doing it. But at least people get paid to make the bad ones.  Transformers: Dark of the Moon gave a lot of people work.

What I’m trying to say is. There is no excuse for lousy movie$.

Of course I love bad movies.  This is not a list of bad movies.  This is a list of miserable movies.  Lifeless movies. Movie Failures. $tuff that annoyed me.

THREE FAILURES BY THREE AMERICAN MASTERS

I gotta deal with these before I get into the bottom ten.  These were the real disappointments.  But I still cannot bring myself to name them the worst.  Because each of these has glimmers of greatness.

3. HUGO – SO I was excited to see Martin Scorsese work with 3D BUT the 3D added nothing and the cinematography was the most boring of Scorsese’s career…
Y’KNOW the kids are pretty good actors BUT C’MON I think they spend over an hour talking about having adventures and never do anything.
I LOVE IT when Marty makes weird casting choices BUT the Borat scenes are pretty useless.
To be fair the opening 10 minutes is wonderful.
THE AUTOMATON SHOULD HAVE BEEN PLAYED BY JOE PESCI. This was 2 hours too long.

2. WAR HORSE – The horses can act. Even the animatronic ones.  The humans are unforgiveably hammy.   Jeremy Irvine spends every moment of screentime either crying or looking like he’s about to cry. Emily Watson is wasted again. David Thewlis is barely in it. Benedict Cumberbatch is perfect but blink and you’ll miss him.  The Cinematography is great, but too much when it exactly recreates the ending of Gone With the Wind.  There are so many haphazard cinema homages.  All done wonderfully. None of them needed.  It’s cute to see Spielberg play around with trying so hard to not show gore, but the battle scenes have no punch, no excitement.  Empty cinema constantly on the verge of almost feeling good.

1. TREE OF LIFE – I love Terrence Malick’s movies.  But I do not love Tree of Life.  I guess in some ways its good to know he had a bad movie in him.  This one left me so unhappy. And I was angry throughout.  Probably 30 minutes of a great film buried throughout.  I liked Brad Pitt in a few scenes.  The kids were unreal.  Nothing to hold onto.  Over-written.  Over-edited.  Too Long.  More intrigued by Sean Penn’s scenes. Exhilarating to see Malick shoot modern scenes.  Wish this had been made in the 80s as a big messy masterpiece.  Would have been so interesting.

TEN WORST FILMS of 2011

10. GREEN LANTERN – Undeniably miserable.  Terrible scenes of serious drama between Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively.  Hard to maintain viewing consciousness during them.  The Scenes in Space work.  Too much CGI, but they’re fun and weird as hell. Totally crazy.  But such a small portion of the movie.  Peter Sarsgaard acts like he is in some David Cronenberg movie. So that’s kind of nice.

9. THE BEAVER – This movie is pretty stupid, but mostly its pretty lame.  Mel Gibson can’t even save it with his crazy. The movie’s mundanity kills even that.  Jennifer Lawrence and Anton Yelchin have a lot to make up for.

8. THE MUPPETS – Maybe my most controversial pick. Not only a failure as a Muppets movie.  A failure as a movie.  Doesn’t respect the Muppets and it doesn’t even care enough about its new (stupid) characters Walter and co. to give them anything interesting to do.  Jason Segel and Amy Adam’s gross over the top expressions prove that they never watched the Muppet Show or saw a great Muppet movie.  Just be yourself guys.  Jeez.  The songs are second rate.  The Song and Dance is not entertaining and does not recall old Muppet shtick.

7. COWBOYS & ALIENS – What a bummer.  Shouldn’t have expected much. Look at the Screenwriting credits.  Watch Iron Man 2.  Wasn’t in the mood for another waste of Harrison Ford.

6. CONAN THE BARBARIAN – YUCK

5. THE KILLER ELITE – There are a few scenes in this movie where Robert DeNiro is shooting guns or just holding guns.  These scenes have high entertainment value.  There are not many of these scenes.

Almost as lifeless and un-involving as Tower Heist.

4. MEEK’S CUTOFF – Glad QT also picked this. Wonder what his reasons were. There is an intriguing settlers heading west film here. And Kelly Reichardt has never seemed more sure of herself than when she’s showing these pilgrims’ progress west.  Michelle Williams and Will Patton are really good in it.  Zoe Kazan and Paul Dano are playing hipster dress-up.  And then you remember that you read the director’s statement and you remember that the movie is a metaphor for the Iraq War and Bruce Greenwood’s goofy Meek is George Bush.  And the settlers are the Americans and the Indian is the Iraqis and we’re all lost and there’s an uncertain future and this becomes the dumbest slog you’ve sat through and you feel like one of those old timers at the Film Forum who goes “What the fuck was that?” when the credits come up and the house lights turn on.  This allegory says nothing interesting about its subject. It just exists as a allegory and if there was no allegory it might have been a good movie.

3. LIMITLESS – This is a great idea for a screenplay.  But it was written by someone with zero imagination.  It’s not a movie about having unlimited mental capabilities. It’s a drug addiction movie that follows every cliche in the book.

2. SUPER 8 – JJ Abrams shouldn’t write his own material.  This movie looks like a 70s/80s Spielberg movie.  It has kids talking over each other like in a 70s/80s Spielberg movie.  There is a big difference between this movie and a 70s/80s Spielberg movie. This movie SUCKS.  The kids are annoying (Elle is good). The adults are the worst kind of uninteresting adults from a JJ Abrams TV show. The beginning feels like a JJ Abrams TV Show.  The mash-up of Jaws and ET doesn’t really make sense.  And the Monster is an awful design that is impossible to relate to.  KILL THIS MOVIE.

1. TOWER HEIST – Hell, I thought this was gonna be good.  The Trailer was good.  But this movie may have been the most lifeless film I saw all year.  I don’t hate this movie. I feel nothing towards this movie. This is emptiness.  You stare into the abyss of TOWER HEIST and nothing stares back.

Also Ben Stiller and Eddie Murphy are getting older and someone should tell them that.  Maybe Ben Stiller can cool it on the Gym. He’s starting to look weird.

TO BE CONTINUED…

CLOME SELECTS: 2011 in REVIEW pt. 1 – THE BEST (in movies)

I just read my 2010 “best of” list. I said The Fighter was the best movie. I also have True Grit in my top ten (#9). I can’t stick by Grit.  It’s been awhile since I’ve wanted to watch The Fighter. But I still stand by it.  Contraband comes out this weekend.

I got really negative in my worst of section last year. Too negative. I’m going to talk less this year. Well I’m going to try to.

Here are the numbers for 2011 –

In 2011 I saw 128 movies in the theater. I saw 99 movies outside of the theater.  That’s 227 movies over-all.  25 more than last year. Not every movie in the theater was something I hadn’t seen before.  It will take me a minute, but I’m gonna transcribe my list of all these movies into blog form and write a 1-2 sentence review for each. This will be a gift/task for myself and a bonus for all of y’all.

2011 was a weird Year.

I feel a major disconnect with the mainstream critical picks.  I don’t buy or accept the praise and I don’t really want to see too many of the movies they champion.  I’m trying to erase obligation from my movie-going habits, but also maintain steady, steady, constant, constant viewing.

But it’s weird. I feel like I’m constantly dwelling on the disappointments I find in the movies. Movies of all stripes. I can’t focus on the positive elements. Something is amiss and I have a hard time feeling that there’s something wrong with me.

CLOME SELECTS TEN BEST MOVIES OF 2011

Let’s jump into the top ten. I had a difficult time rating them, but during a conversation with a friend I was reminded that this list is not just about the movies that I enjoyed, but about the movies that I wish to champion or at the very least recommend.

10. HANNA – Hanna was one of the first mainstream releases that I saw in 2012 that really hit me.  Almost pure style to a fault. Super crazy fun.  But takes its preposterousness seriously. This is important for me in an action film.  Loved Saorise Ronan.  Loved the friendship with the little British girl. Loved the bizarre love triangle between Hanna and the two british kids.  Madcap music and crazy editing that hit on all the right levels.

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Saw it a second time and still liked it, but not as much… That happened a lot… in 2011
9. 13 ASSASSINS –

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Another movie I saw twice. Another movie that lost some impact the second time around. The first time though. The first time was exhilarating.  I saw it at the Paramount Theater at its SXSW premiere. It was a packed house and everyone was into it. Almost too into it. The cheering almost got to be too much, but my general rule is that any audience reaction is a great audience reaction.  I had some very strong feelings this first time. It reminded me why of I loved samurai films. It was the most fun I had had watching a samurai flick since the first time I had seen Seven Samurai. I’ve always had a bit of trouble getting into Miike, but this was such an effective movie-movie.

The assassins are all great.  Koji Yakusho is fantastic. But the villain… The target of the assassination is so awesomely, despicably, unacceptably evil and his dispatching is so goddamn satisfying.

8. RISE OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

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This was an all too pleasant surprise. Saw it on a whim.  Had heard almost nothing but good things, which all went against my massive twitter war against the film.  So I got some street meat, hit the subway trains and got to the theater just in time.  Made a real mess around me with all that food and all that sauce.  Got some heart burn.  Really enjoyed the movie. Solid but silly Sci-Fi.  Subtitled Apes. Weird unnecessary Charlton Heston references. I really love the shirt Brian Cox wears in one part. That kid from Harry Potter is way too evil to believe.  Owes quite a bit to the seminal Matthew Broderick film Project X.  Best Sci-fi movie in years. Classic throwback but new shit in all the best ways.  James Franco = mad decent again.  Second Favorite Monkey Movie.

7. SUPER –

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The best Kevin Bacon movie of 2011.  Also best superhero movie.  Mad fucked-up love story.  Juno rapes Dwight. Beautiful Scene. Michael Rooker doesn’t do much.  Inevitably be compared to Kick-Ass but its very much it’s own thing.  Just as unrealistic in some ways, but way more interesting. All these wannabe superheroes are sickos.  A real impressive achievement in terms of the shooting time and budget size.  But the best part of this movie was Kevin Bacon walking into the IFCCenter screening late eating from a big ole box of popcorn.

6. BRIDESMAIDS –  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLnHFDPwoWs
I went to see this with Katie Rotondi and while she was getting a soda, the woman next to me leaned in and said “You’re such a good guy for coming to see this with her. I wanted to see The Hangover 2 myself.” What a dumb lady.

5. IMMORTALS –

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Mickey Rourke gives his best performance since The Wrestler. The second best Rourke Performance in the modern Rourke era.  His literal scene-chewery is practically enough to add this to any and all best lists.  Immortals has some of the best eating scenes of 2011 and they’re all Rourke all the time. His King Hyperion is a villain for the age$.  All Age$.  I did not expect to like this movie. I never finished Tarsem Singh’s The Cell and The Fall looked like garbage. The initial trailer for Immortals looked like an even worse retread of 300 territory.  But the movie was actually and literally and wonderfully and so stupidly great. There is a total disregard for any real Greek mythology, but you still get an effective & fun take on the hero’s journey.  The slow motion action and violence plays like wonderful choreographed dances. There’s this head hammeringly brilliant scene hidden in the middle that Andrew Parrish really likes. Brain breaking. This movie is so stupid. I love it. Legit great. How can Stephen Dorff be the Gimli-esque comic relief?  Why is Kris Humphries playing Poseidon? I love Luke Evans as Zeus. Him and his Mesmerizing abs.

4. UNCLE BOONME WHO CAN RECALL HIS PAST LIVES

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I need to watch this again. I can’t remember nearly as much as I’d like to.  Best Monkey Demons in any film this year.

3. FAST FIVE

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I had never seen any fast/furious movie in its entirety until the week that Fast Five came out.  I jumped in headfirst that week.  I think Fast Five stands on its own ground as a fantastic and fantastically absurd action movie in the grand tradition of True Hollywood Blockbusterdom, but what’s even more incredible is the way it builds upon the shaky foundations of its lesser predecessors.*  Fast Five takes the best aspects of the first four films – the characters – and utilizes the fucking hell out of them.  Everyone is back. Everyone that matters. And Tyrese is still Hungry. Amazing how great Tyrese is in these flicks and how wasted he is in the Transformers movies.  But this movie also has The Rock. And for the first time he earns it. He is a movie star. He’s the best thing in the movie and they even let him kill the bad guy.

Oh yeah and Osama Bin Laden got killed when I saw Fast Five.

*Lesser doesn’t include Tokyo Drift, which is a pretty wonderful film in its own right. Probably a better movie than Fast Five in the long run.

2. DRIVE – 

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This ended up this high almost just through the process of elimination.  That makes it sound like I didn’t like this movie that much, but I did. If you asked me what my best movie of 2011 was right after I saw Drive, I would have said Drive.  Such great tension was built and built and exploded multiple times.  Everyone is great.  Even TV actor Bryan Cranston holds his own against movie titans Ron “HB” Perlman & Al Brooks.  R. Gosling wins me over and doesn’t say anything. A wonderful remake of Shane with great great shades of Thief*. Refn finally does it for me all the way.  The best fucking soundtrack.  So good you got sick of it in weeks, especially when kids play it at their fucking parties.  This movie does everything it wanted to do as a movie. And it does a great job of being a movie.  It remakes the beginning of The Driver, but is a better movie over-all and it doesn’t have the luxury of starring a 1970s-era Bruce Dern or even a 1970s Isabella Adjani.  Love the backlash+. Hated the subway ad campaign.

*(Thief was my favorite movie that I watched in 2010)
+ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780504/board/nest/188479292)

1. CAVE OF FORGOTTEN DREAMS/ INTO THE ABYSS 

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Cave of Forgotten Dreams made me laugh and cry upon repeated viewings.  Only necessary use of 3D in any recent movie.  Best ending of 2011. Best narration.  Herzog comes close to a History Channel style documentary and I love it.  Into the Abyss is a completely different kind of movie. Didn’t even feel like a movie. Life is terrible. Life is beautiful.
——

W.O.W. What a year at the movies? But wait we’re not done yet, before getting to the BOTTOM TEN WORST MOVIES OF 2011 here are some special awards.

CLOME SELECTS $PECIAL AWARD$ 2011 

MOST HILARIOUS AND DISCONCERTING MOMENT AT A MOVIE – Almost getting kicked out of DRIVE ANGRY 3D, because of Keith Haskel’s uncontrollable laughing.

THREE BAD MOVIES I REALLY ENJOYED WATCHING –

3. The Three Musketeers – The only Paul W. S. Anderson movie that I have ever seen in a movie theater and one of the only Paul W. S. Anderson movies that I have ever enjoyed.  This flick is an utterly disrespectful, bullshit mess, but ya know what… it was pretty fun.  Impeccably cast.  Christoph Waltz may only appear to be more bored on the terrible Carnage poster.  Ray Stevenson has a facsinating career.  Mila is having so much fun, but is she having more fun than ORLANDO  BLOOM?  What is Orlando wearing? There’s all these flying ships in the movie. Why?

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2. Scre4m – I had so much fun at this packed screening. I almost tried to defend this movie as being good, but its terrible.  Props to Eric Roberts daughter for kicking her own ass.

1. Shame– Good acting. Well-made. Dumb as hell. And it takes itself so seriously, which is perfect.  The first half is a lot of fun.  Treads so much familiar ground, but its moves by at a fast clip and the laughs keep coming.  What New York is this? What is this graffiti on the subway?  Who are these Europeans masquerading around as Nu Yowrkers.  James Badge Dale knocks it out of the park. The Restaurant Date scene is legitimate comedy.  The second half takes too long and marches out the movie cliches of a night gone out of control. Oh you’re so depraved, Brandon.  A bar fight. A gay BJ. (I wish I was having my b-day party at Quo). A 3-way! and an attempted suicide in the bathroom!? What is this, film school?  ALSO – Michael Fassbender looks like a Velociraptor when his mouth is shut.

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GREAT MOMENTS in BAD MOVIES

– The Beaver – Gibson fights the beaver.  Mel Gibson jumps into Evil Dead 2 and fights The Beaver (his hand) in a duel to the death.  Remember how he drove the nail in to the cross with his own hand in The Passion*???  What a scene? What a miserable movie.

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*Of the Christ.
 

-Hall Pass – The Ending Scene with Stephen Merchant is actually really funny. Almost made the whole film worth it.

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BEST TRIPLE FEATURECave of Forgotten Dreams/13Assassins/Silver Bullets = exhilaration

MOST APPROPRIATE DOUBLE FEATUREThe Skin I live in/ The Woman = sometimes things just work out. Modern b-movie extravaganza. The stylish mad-scientist shocker and the low-grade, low-budget Weirdo family with a secret.

This year I saw three new NIC CAGE movies and they were all un-forgiveably terrible. Here’s how rank them in descending order.
3. Drive Angry 3D – sick of movies that are trying to be so bad they’re amazing. Almost saved by David Morse and Keith Haskel.
2. Trespass – Nicole Kidman has never been such a disaster.  How did this happen?
1. Season of the Witch – starts out so promising. Why did this happen?

 

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TO BE CONTINUED I….

CLOME SELECTS: 2011 in REVIEW pt. 2 – THE WORST

Live Blog with Brad For the OSCARS 2011

Brad: did the take a time machine to get to the show?

me: You live bloggin this?
yeah what’s the deal there
is robert zemeckis gonna win?
Brad: either him or Ron Howard for Backdraft
8:47 PM me: of maybe mel gibson for braveheart?
Brad: again, yeah
8:48 PM me: we’re already underestimating Inception
Brad: big win for Pfister
8:49 PM big win
me: How is Franco Tweeting right now!
8:50 PM Brad: fuck Franco
where’s billy crystal at
8:51 PM where’s Mel at
then you have this fucking fossil
me: Kirk Douglas
8:52 PM Brad: what if a speaker falls and kills him?
me: “I AM KIRK DOUGLAS!” “I AM KIRK DOUGLAS!”
8:53 PM Brad: solidarity
that was fucked up, man
he’s all fucked up
8:54 PM me: Everyone around me really hated kirk douglas
Brad: what the hell is Animal Kingdom?
me: some gangster movie that was supposed to be really good
8:55 PM Brad: where is George Dzundza
8:56 PM this is painful
me: this is cute
8:57 PM Brad: alrite, he turned it around
me: this is so great
9:00 PM CLASSIC OSCAR SPEECH!
Brad: gonna be watching this one for years to come
Jack Palance
doing push-ups
Roberto Benigni
and this
It’s about SELLING the WORK
9:01 PM me: RESPECTING THE SELLING
9:02 PM Brad: what’s going on here?
me: hello Milla!
9:06 PM shut up Justin Timberlake!
9:07 PM Brad: who are all these wieners?
want to beat all of them up
9:08 PM when’s The Rock gonna get his Oscar?
me: yeah sean connery was great in that
9:09 PM Brad: i was talking about Dwayne Johnson
me: i know
Brad: Duane Johnston
fuck this Kindle at
ad
9:10 PM why are these people having so much fun with their kindles
9:13 PM Hahaha
me: classic
comedy
Brad: “Awards for screenplays were given out at the very first Oscars, and they’ve been given out every year since.”
9:14 PM me: facksinating!
Brad: should’ve gone to Freddy Krueger for Nightmare on Elm STreet 4
9:15 PM me: haaaaaaaaa
Brad: man they’re giving Sorkin the hook
9:16 PM that was not a CLASSIC speech
me: i’m with two assholes telling him to shut up
9:17 PM two friends!
Brad: how the hell does Incpetion get a nomination in this category?
9:18 PM me: I like how they have javier reading all the names!
better than the king’s speech
9:19 PM Brad: he be killin ’em
9:20 PM they should give out snacks with this crap
9:21 PM me: i could use another burrito
Brad: check out this weird tweet from Eric Roberts
“Wally shot THE DARK KNIGHT too.& films 4 LucaBercovici.He’s done all sized films.Some not evn films.More like movies.All wrk shd b forgiven”
9:22 PM me: ha
9:24 PM Billy Crystal, here?
Brad: fingers crossed
9:26 PM me: they aren’t doing enough hosting!
Brad: Brand be killing ’em
9:27 PM Bye-oo-ti-FOOL
not enough Franco in drag
not enough Crystal in drag
not enough Crystal
9:31 PM me: Jeremy renner was a waste in the town!
9:32 PM Brad: pretty rousing winning music
9:34 PM did people just groan?
what was that reaction?
me: haaaa
couldn’t handle the class
Brad: pretty classy speech

10 minutes
9:45 PM me: my computer fell over and restarted!
Brad: how appropriate
b/c of the social network and all
9:46 PM me: it’s like franco and what’s her face are barely hosting!
Salt’s gonna take it back!
9:47 PM Brad: Pfister strikes again
JPMorgan owns all of these shitbags
9:49 PM UNSTOPPABLE
FUCKING UNSTOPPABLE
9:51 PM me: MARISSA TOMEI!
Brad: this shit is starting to pop off the chain
WHERE’S BILLY CRYSTAL AT?
BILLY
9:53 PM me: I love Celine Dion as long as she’s connected to the oscars
9:54 PM Brad: loved that little sneak look at John Carroll Lynch
9:55 PM nerds + tomei
me and franco on the same page on this one
me: hA
Brad: she looks like she’s wearing an up toilet seat
9:57 PM ebert is having a twitter freakout about this show
me: everyone is!
9:59 PM he is so angry!
10:02 PM Oh obama you make me want to puke
10:03 PM Brad: RANDY NEWMAN
YOU BELIEVE THIS?
me: this sounds awful
10:07 PM Brad: bring back randy
me: should have had randy play all the songs
10:08 PM Brad: tough competition between Randy, JPM, and BK fries tonight
10:11 PM man Franco just doesn’t give an ess hit
10:12 PM they look really uncomfrotable
me: George Lucas?
Brad: RATM
10:16 PM this guy is gonna be you
NYU shout out
10:17 PM me: I know right!
Brad: totall
y
shit FRAnco just hooked you up
me: yo franco thanks for the hook up
Brad: what is thsi fucking shit
10:18 PM me: missing the point
10:19 PM and who was the winner?
Brad: Oprah, maybe
ever see Beloved?
10:20 PM me: just the part where she pees
Brad: ah
it’s great
10:22 PM me: my friend shot scenes in exit through the gift shop
he’s so bummed
10:25 PM Brad: why wasn’t Randy auto-tuned?
10:26 PM !!!!
!!!!!
!!!!!
10:27 PM me: AHHHHAHAHHH
10:28 PM he is an old man
10:30 PM Brad: Bob Hope is killin’ ’em
me: Bob Hope died the same week my grandfather did
Brad: tweet it
10:31 PM me: gotta keep some things private untill i publish this as a live blog
Brad: haha
10:35 PM me: oh so what does this win mean?
10:36 PM Brad: it means we get to see those old TVs in the background
this show is exhausting
10:37 PM me: it’s going so fast
10:39 PM Knicks might beat the heat
Brad: Jamie Dimon have anything to say about that?
10:41 PM me: They switched the channell at the house I’m at!
10:43 PM Brad: to the game?
me: what the fuck?
Brad: Jennifer Hudson is just terrible
10:44 PM Gwyneth is just awful
10:45 PM me: 10 seconds ago:
@jamesfranco James Franco is disgusting.
Florence and the machine sucks
10:46 PM I’m now behind you
10:47 PM cause of that basketball game
Brad: haha
fucked
randy won
me: you serious!
Brad: yeah he be killin’ ’em in this speech
10:48 PM death montage coming up
10:50 PM inception button: http://inception.davepedu.com/

11 minutes
11:01 PM me: Is this show still going on?
11:05 PM Brad: i stepped out for a bit to get some trail mix
who just won for what?
king’s speech for director?
11:06 PM any Jack yet?
me: bobby but only in some other footage
11:10 PM Brad: so Eli doesn’t get to say anything?
me: yeah what the fuck
this is so rushed but so long
they used to have fun at these things
11:11 PM Brad: wow Franco really doesn’t care
11:12 PM anne hathaway’s “woos” are starting to get to me
me: franco should shut her up
11:15 PM Natalie’s love for the craft has never shown stronger
Brad: Blue Valentiiiiine
me: WOOOO!!!!!
11:16 PM Brad: And hte winner is: Jeff Bridges
Black Swan should win best picture
11:18 PM me: Finally the Luc Besson shout out!
Brad: shout out to Liam Neeson in Taken

5 minutes
11:24 PM me: KIng’s Speech moved me.
11:25 PM Brad: should i see that crap?
what won last year?
hurt locker?
me: yeah
it won
i dunno
11:26 PM king’s speech is nothing to rush out to
i snuck in
but was happy i did
11:27 PM Brad: really annoying because no one’s going to give a shit aobut King’s Speech in ten years
but people will still care about Black Swan
11:28 PM me: blarf
11:29 PM STATEN ISLAND
Brad: not enough Billy

11 minutes
11:40 PM Brad: haha Aaron Sorkin and these kids
11:41 PM hathaway with the woos again
me: This is like the end of Close Encounters of The Third Kind.

Oscars Live Blog February 27, 2011

8:25 – Oh my god Steven Spielberg

Tom HANKS presenting the first award!!!! “What’s it like when you’re presenting the first award?”

8:27 “Yo guys the oscas are almost starting!!!”

8:30 – starting with a montage! Vincent Cassell sucks!

Only movie I didn’t see – The Kids Are Alright

“Trent Reznor, c’mon” – Keith Haskell

Totem! Hahaha

Alright theyre in the movies and so is alec baldwin. Finally.

Feitel really liked Anne HAthaway’s punching gag.  and Morgan Freeman. Weird…..  ‘Really Good’ – Chadd Harbold

James Franco Butt! “Please call me Mr. Baldwin.”  What! What 8:36! Back to the future!

What, so is Robert Zemeckis gonna win the oscars now? 83 years!!!

Dumb Banter. “you get naked, you get nominated.” Don’t stand up mom!  The mom just happened to be mic’d.

I would bring my grandmother to the oscars, too. Oh Anne Hathaway, you are adorable.

I love the TITANIC!!!!!!

Booooo!!! But I picked that! I picked that!

On To the next! Cinematography now, already? Oh Wow! I actually think Wally Pfister deserved this.  Too Bad I picked Deakins. My least favorite Deakins.

@jamesfranco How is Franco Tweeting Right now?

Brad:  fuck Franco

where’s billy crystal at
KIRK DOUGLAS.   He;s hav ing a ball.
Brad:  what if a speaker falls and kills him? 

me:  “I AM KIRK DOUGLAS!” “I AM KIRK DOUGLAS!”
SHE WAS SO GOOD!!!!!!
This is cute!
Keith is deleting tweets now. Melissa Leo – what an amazing dress?
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Classic Oscar Speech!
I just farted- 9:01
Hello Mila!
Yaknow Shrek Forever After was really good…………
WHAT!!!!! UPSET!!!!! PIXAR’S GOING DOWN!!!!!!
Should have been Shrek 4EVA AFTER! will be…..
Toy Story 3! Finally got another one!
HISTORIC NUMBERS! when’s The Rock gonna get his Oscar?
me:  yeah sean connery was great in that
“this guy’s livetweeting everything!” – kskill
ah remembering the past. Back when awards mattered!  wow look at Josh and Javiar!
I picked aaron! duh!  Paddy Chayesvky Shoutout…
really the music on Aaron Sorkin….. Really! What!? Wow, you are bold OScar!
I like how they have javier reading all the names!
King’s Speech! d’oh got it!
I could use another burrito. I’m hungry. Really hungry.   They Gonna Sing! They Gonna Sing! They Gonna SIng!
I was doing such spot russell brand movies last night.  In A BETTER WORLD sucked. (I didn’t see it.) SEAN CONNERY
Oh I think this should be Christian Bale. I really do.   It is awesome that John Hawkes got Nominated.  Jeremy Renner was not good in The Town.
Geoffrey gets to sit in front of STEVEN SPIELBERG!
So happy Christian Bale won
That one shot in Super 8 is literaly from close encounters!
Computer fell and restarted!!!!
Trent Reznor saving my oscar poll!
Remove Post 

it’s like franco and hatthaway are barely hosting

SALT”S GONNA TAKE IT FOR BEST PICTURE

Wally Pfister strikes again!

Oh I love that Unstoppable is nominated!

The Oscars will return with Marissa Tomei!

I love Celine Dion. Mainly at the OScars.

http://gabiontheroofinjuly.wordpress.com/2011/02/27/liveblogging-the-oscars/

Oh they always get the pretty girl to give these awards.  MARISSA TOMEI!

Taking me back to the time when the OScarS counted Lord of the Rings!

WOLFMAN!

BAKER!

Roger Ebert is so angry at this oscars!

Oh Obama, you make me want to puke!

Randy Newman! but why did that sound so bad!?

and I love when they have duets, but who is that dude?

Should have had Randy play all the songs!

C’mon James Franco, Do some good shit!

George Lucas

Look at all of those guys faces on that one guy!

He might thank someone I knew!

NYU shout out!

Anyone see the part where Oprah Winfrey pees in Beloved?

Inside Job was good, but this guy is right. Those guys should be in jail and we shouldn’t be celebrating these dumb famous fuckers!

Another Jeff Bridges Car Commercial

“How’s the live-blogging going.” – Chadd

“It’s so hard.” – Me

And here’s Billy…..

Bob Hope got a lot of laughs.

Look at that Robert Downey Moustache sweat.

Can’t believe how fast they’ve gotten through these shows.  Someone just changed the channell to the Knicks! What the fuck!? Why is there a KNicks game on, now?

10 seconds ago

@jamesfranco James Franco is disgusting.
Florence and the Machine sucks and KSkill Agrees with me!
i’m behind the world on this show
But I heard that Randy Won!
RANDY RANDY RANDY RANDY RANDY
Randy wins it for best speech!
Celine…. here we go….
Is this show still going on?
How am I gonna edit all that footage today?
The King’s Speech was really well made.
James Franco was so good in Spider-Man 3.
George Lucas looks like he’s showing some emotion for once.
Jennifer Lawrence really liked that scene. Hahahaha.
Natalie’s love for the craft has never been greater!
Brad:  Blue Valentiiiiine 

me:  WOOOO!!!!!
Brad:  And hte winner is:  Jeff Bridges
She’s gonna have the baby right there!
Luc Shoutout!
Michelle Rodriguez??
Classic OScar Speech in the making.
Sandra Bullock was so good in Speed.
Really enjoy that eisenberg. He was so good in Zombieland.
KIng’s Speech moved me.
Oh Someone Farted again! Someone doodied at the OScars Party and they’re ruining it for everyone!
Seriously never gonna live blog again
Finally! It’s Back! and Jurassic Park is here to present the Best Picture. Duh.
They gave Spielberg the best writing.
Fuck you Nick, I was charging your phone for a long time. Who demands someone to charge their phone anyway?
This is like the end of Close Encounters of The Third Kind.
Well everyone, I just gotta say! I love the movies and I love each one of you! Thanks for sharing this and good night!

Oscar picks for my brother

Most of these are conservative choices and don’t reflect what i want to win.

BEST PICTURE – The Social Network
Should Win – The Social Network

BEST ACTOR – Colin Firth, The King’s Speech
should win – jesse eisenberg

Best Actress – Jennifer Lawrence, Winter’s Bone
should win – Michelle Williams, Blue Valentine

Best Supporting Actor – Christian Bale, The Fighter
should win – Christian Bale, The Fighter
shouldn’t win – Jeremy Renner, The Town

Best Supporting Actress – Helena Bonham Carter, The King’s Speech
Should win – melissa leo, the Fighter

Best Director – David Fincher, The Social Network
should be – Christopher Nolan – Inception
may very well be tom hooper/The King’s Speech

Jeff you got this backwards
Adapted Screenplay – Aaron Sorkin, The Social Network

ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY – David Seidler, The King’s Speech
should win – Scott Silver, Paul Tamasy, Eric Johnson, and Keith Dorrington, The Fighter

Documentary Feature – Exit Through the Gift Shop

Documentary Short – The Warriors of Qiugang

Animated Feature – Toy Story 3

Foreign Language Film – Dogtooth (Greece)
should win – Dogtooth (Greece)

Film Editing – The Social Network
Should Win – The Fighter

Cinematography True Grit

Art Direction The King’s Speech

Animated Short Film – Day & Night

Live Action Short Film – God of Love

Visual Effects – Inception

Sound Mixing – Inception

Sound Editing – Inception

Costume Design – Makeup

Makeup – The Wolfman

Original Score – Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, The Social Network

Original Song – “We Belong Together,” by Randy Newman, Toy Story 3

I always got to pick randy newman

TURN OFF THE DARK sweet darling cause tonight it’s all the way.

Hi Harry!
Happy New Year!
I just spotted the Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark review that you posted and I feel obliged to chime in with my two cents. I saw the show in the beginning of December.  It was a birthday present from my roommate who got rush tickets for it with his girlfriend.  I want to point you in the direction of this “Spiderman Monologue.” It’s my 15-minute description of Watching Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark which was played on the WFMU Radio Station this past Monday, January 3.

And here’s the site for the radio show – 


This Spider-Man musical is a must see.  It is also the worst musical I have ever seen on stage or otherwise. (what do I mean by that?)
It may be the most impossibly wrong-headed portrayal of Spider-man or any superhero, but it also captures some sort of strange essence of Peter Parker and the heart at the center of this character.  Unfortunately that essence is barely there. Taymor and co. (Bono & the Edge) commit some really unforgivable crimes against Theater, Comic Books  and Basic Human Decency. And against audiences. Shouldn’t a Spider-man Musical be as unpretentious and audience friendly as possible. What’s the deal, Julie?
The Music is incomprehensible. Bad U2 music X10. The Plotting is incoherent.  The first half is a whacked out adaptation of the First Spider-Man Movie. The Actor playing J. Jonah Jameson is essentially doing an impression of J.K. Simmons.  Good performance, but still just an impression. They give Green Goblin a “Spider-Man 2 -esque Dr Octopus’s Wife-esque”, wife character.  They also smudge over the death of Uncle Ben in a poorly staged on-stage car crash that does little to  Illustrate Peter Parker finally understanding that with Great Power comes even greater responsibility.  That botching really bothered me. Earlier in the show, just thinking about how Uncle Ben was gonna die caused me to tear up.  Musicals get me emotional.  The Holiday season gets me emotional.  I started thinking of Spidey in relation to George Bailey.  Two guys who made a whole town better, not because they wanted to, but because they knew they couldn’t live with themselves if they didn’t do the right thing. Do the right thing, Mother******!!!!!
Occasionally the musical approaches the notion of whether the spider-bite made peter parker Spider-Man.  It’s actually a pretty important undercurrent of the show that is never really explored properly, by the participants.  It wasn’t the bite that made Peter Parker Spider-Man.  The bite gave him a chance to be a larger than life hero, but it was his basic decency and sense of right and wrong, mixed with the willingness to act that made him a hero.  “There’s a hero inside of all of us”? No. Not really. But some people are heroes, waiting to be awakened.
I got to comment on a point or two in the other review. The reviewer talks about the back and forth scene between Peter and his Aunt Uncle Juxtaposed with MJ and her dad.  It’s a great idea, but when I saw it, it was delivered terribly.  Maybe it’s gotten better since then, but at the time I saw it, it was amateur hour.  Amateur hour in a $65 million production. At many points I felt like I was watching a rough draft in a dress rehearsal. $65 million years in the making.
The other reviewer also seems to have enjoyed the geek characters, whom Ms. Taymor employs as a type of Greek chorus or shall we say “Geek Chorus.” (Before she randomly tosses them out of the play in the second act.)  I found them terribly offensive caricatures of geeks, nerds, feminist asian girls with cute(dumb) funny hats and pop-culture enthusiasts of all stripes.  They overplay their parts, argue unconvincingly and perpetuate a irritatingly unrealistic, unfunny portrayal of the fans.  The fans whom I think the producers would want to come to this show.  And the show starts off by insulting them?  Yes. Yes, my precious sensibilities were insulted, Ms. Taymor!
 

Ya know the show looks incredible. This is fact.  Not good or bad- Incredible. AMAZING. The stages are amazing. Some of the design is dumb, but there’s no denying the awe-inspiring nature of it all and there’s a palpable sense of danger. Actors seem nervous when they sing. Dancers look worried when they move. If they miss their mark, it’s oblivion!

Reeve Carney is wonderful as Peter Parker.  And Jennifer Damiano broke my heart as MJ.  And when it’s just her singing one or two of the more simple songs in the show, it feels like a great show.  Like something really special.  Unfortunately these performances are nearly canceled out by all the sound and fury!  And that’s what really bugged me. As I watched these kids I was reminded of West Side Story.  And I thought about how the heightened emotions and the singing in a broadway show can really bring out the loneliness and confusion of being a teenager and I realized that Spider-Man could have been a great musical.  But this show is too much.  I mean keep the stunts! But lose the out of control plotting and inconsistent story structure.  At one point Arachne (Weird Taymor addition brought in from Greek Mythology) has her spider lady creature minions sing a song about shoes.  No one I have talked to knows why they sing about these shoes!  And in the second Act Taymor seems to break down and realize that she’s directing a spider-man musical and has Arachne fly up over the audience and say – “Noone in this town respects me as an artist!” Huh? What? Brilliant…
The second act also features a weird menagerie of villians sporting the worst character designs in the history of superhero adaptation. The Lizard looks like Barney the Dinosaur.  The Carnage design might actually be brilliant, because it just shows how retarded the character is.  And then there’s Swiss Miss.  I don’t even know what to do with that one.  The Villians are paraded out in a grotesque fashion show. I felt like I was in a scene from a movie. Like you know how in movies or TV shows characters will watch alternate reality versions of movies. This felt like one of those movies. This show is something that shouldn’t exist in our reality. But it does. It does!  Life moves away from reality during this show. You leave the theater transformed. At least I did. Most people were frowning. Confused. Mid-western families on vacation in New York, who couldn’t explain what they had just seen.  Kids dancing around. And the undeniable hook of Boy Falls From the Sky reverberating through my head-skull.


I stood in the lobby watching everyone exit the theater. Trying to get my peek into their minds.  I caught the idea of the cute girl selling Spider-Man Turn off The Dark shirts.  I walked over to her.
“What do you think?” – Spidey Sales Girl.
“Did you see that?” – I asked.
“I saw it last night.” – She informed me.
“What did you think?” – I had to ask.
“I’m still trying to wrap my mind around it.” – she was compelled to answer.
I told her that I felt the same way.
 

Ya know everytime the show comes close to getting Spider-Man it backs off.

 

BUT What is Spider-Man? I guess in the end Spidey is what we make of him. He’s ours.  The whole wide world’s.  He belongs to everyone and is everything. Spider-man is for the ages.

Please listen to the audio. But words really can’t describe my experience of watching Spider-Man on Broadway. I want to go again.  I met someone involved in the production a week or so after I saw the show.  He told me that they were changing things in the show almost every night and when the show gets released after previews, it’s gonna have a completely overhauled ending.  (which it needs. Some characters and through lines disappear and are never resolved.  Not that you really care… You’re just very aware of them disappearing.) The way he described Taymor and Bono and the Edge pissed me off. They’re playing with all this money, like it’s nothing.  I guess it’s hard for me.  I love this mish mash of excess and stupidity, but I hate the wastefulness. The effort resulting in a crappy (Weird and Wild as Hell) but downright crappy product.
Good Luck out there!
It’s snowing in New York and I can’t see out my window! I think I might try to get rush tickets to See Turn off the Dark again.  Maybe twice this weekend.
If you use this call me Clome or Dr. Richard Walker. (Years ago I sent in an Apocalypto review under that name)
P.S.  I talked to Reeve after the show, Ya know when you wait in line to get autographs at the back door.  He’s impossibly nice and looks almost like an alien up close and has a really interesting fashion sense. He said the show’s a lot of fun to be in.  That’s nice.  He’s a talented kid.